Last Lynchburg Class

Finishing the way I started - sick to my stomach and using the laptop and mini-projector. A fitting ending after 3+ years and 1,000+ participants.

Finally, an A on a test.

Errands & porch sitting with Ma.

Late night out with good friends.

My white middle class sensibilities are admittedly punch drunk on NPR's liberalism, but still, I keep finding gems that seem to speak truth for me.

Summer

I'm not sure how to come to terms with a public blog that I wish to keep private.

Lots of thankfuls.

Sorry I turned down the peach pancakes.

Good story from Thailand about snakes and ants and life.

Excited about August travels and new technology toys.

Why weekends should be longer than 2 days

10+ hours of studying at Cville Coffee Saturday/Sunday. Thanks to M & C for moral support and company.

68% on my first exam. Yes, that's right. I got a 'D'. Did I mention that this class is hell? I wasn't exaggerating.

No outdoor fun at all.

August, oh August, I look forward to you.

Kyle's 2nd Birthday

Kyle is 2 now. So, I asked his Mom what he might like for his birthday.

When I asked, here's what she said, "Well, he's into golf and baseball these days. And spiders. And frogs. And trucks."

I'm glad to hear that Kyle is most certainly his father's son. And, when I think about Kyle's birthday, I can't help but think what an amazing woman my sister is. I was honored to be present when Kyle was born, and I can say, without a doubt, that my sister and her body were the vessel for a true miracle - the birth of their beautiful son.

I talked to him on the phone today, something new for us. He just kept saying, "Hi Cat!" I hope he delivers the hug that I suggested he give to his Mom today.

Paul Farmer: This I believe, recorded by NPR

Two of my favorites: Dr. Farmer and NPR's This I Believe audio essays.

That topic that I'm not supposed to talk about publically

One of my friends told me once that he doesn't want to read anything about bodily functions on any one's blog. And, that's fine. I won't share any of the ugly details of my own, because frankly, I wish I didn't know any of them myself. But, I don't think we're doing ourselves any favors by not sharing information and experiences about the single thing that all of us humans have in common - the experience of having, possessing, inhabiting a body. We all have one. And none of us have much control over the form we were given at birth, or the function of that form as it grows and develops and changes over time.

In my teens and twenties, I guess I was lucky in growing a very comfortable relationship with this body that is mine. While I quietly watched and listen to my girl friends agonize about this feature or that feature, I didn't have any complaints about the way I looked: the stretch marks on my thighs didn't bother me all that much; my curly hair didn't become much of a nuisance until my late twenties and even then I embraced my unique feature; my bushy eyebrow and even my height were cool with me, even though my height made me behave in terribly self-conscious ways for about the first 30 years of my life. I'm sure I can thank my Mom and my sisters for inheriting such an calm and positive acceptance of my form. And, hey, my body worked OK too. Never had a broken bone, the only cavities I've had were in baby teeth, my poor vision was easily corrected with glasses, then contacts, then lasik. And even my allergies are controlled now by the power of Nasonex. No real complaints....until the IBS.

And now, there are days where I feel like aliens have taken over my body. The way that I feel physically, the inconsistency in the symptoms, the bizarre way that it sometimes manifests itself, all create this feeling of detachment from this form - this body - that my thoughts and mind live within. The good news is that I seem to have overcome most of my anxiety related to the IBS (thanks to being well medicated). This week while my body had a little temper tantrum, instead of completely panicking, I simply decided that I would disown my body for a while. Until it figured out what it wanted to do with itself. Until it worked out it's demons. I get that. Sometimes, a little space is needed. So, I gave my body space.

The only problem is that I can't actually take a vacation from my body. I'm with it, no matter what. It and I have a full-fledged life-long commitment to each other. It's a love-hate relationship. The same body that traps me in the bathroom for what seems like hours and days of my life also gives me the ability to run miles along my favorite city streets, study interesting subjects with energy and zeal, and exist in this physical plane along side my loved ones. But the relationship now is different than the comfortable one we shared during the first 30 years of my life. Now, every plan is made with the one additional thought of, "Will my body be having a good day?" It's like a mental hurdle I have to jump over every time I say yes to an invitation, every time I plan a meal. Every time.

I suppose it will continue to get easier. But, in the meantime, what I want to say is that I'm a little disappointed, a little angry even, with my body's poor showing...

Sunny Thursday

Finishing the semester. It always feels anti-climatic. Now begins the wait for the much anticipated grade.

I think I'm happier when my mind is busy, and I feel a bit ungrounded during breaks sometimes. Like now. Unsettled.

Oldest Sister spontaneously catches flight from Atlanta to Orlando so that she can hang with Middle Sister and the niece and nephew at Sea World. Jealous.

Monday

A girl cannot live by pumpkin bread alone, although she likes to think that she can. And, I'm so happy to re-remember that Mission Home sells stuff at the Country Store - makes my addiction so much more convenient.

Nerdy nursing emailing to the left coast.

Not accomplishing my early test taking goal. Who was I kidding anyway? I function best when pressed against a deadline.

Rainy Sunday

Today was one of those days where I was paralyzed by a lack of motivation to do what I was supposed to be doing, so I mostly sat around feeling guilty about that.

Piano wasn't moved today. Makes me think of:

Now, picture you're very small,
And you've nowhere to sleep
But across the hammers of a baby grand,
And it's really playing, boy!

...because you see, piano must move out to make way for guest sleeping quarters.

Amanda rescued me from a lazy afternoon nap - she brought over cookies & bagels & tea. Which motivated me for a short (and fast!) run, then back to studying (or, see above)!

Sometimes I sing really loudly and imagine that I'd be an awesome back up singer for some of my favorite musicians. Yep.

The cinquecinto will become the new American automobile obsession, I've been hoping for that for 20 years! Because they are so cute and it's fun to see how many people you can fit inside one!

Saturday

Sleeping in - way in - for the first time in I-can't-remember-when. Thanks to the kitties for letting me.

Monticello Trail walk and finishing my errands just as the April shower began.

Laundry, laundry, laundry and putting on my summertime bed sheets.

Late night studying. Plans to take my last lecture exam a day early.